Cannibalized Photography
Lyme conspiracy. When I was better at motivating and concentrating I was dilligent about finding correlations between my mental and physical health and this, if there are any. Maybe just a coincidence.

I have 36 of the 58 on the list, I am excluding things like spasms and other which only happen sparingly, now. I used to have ticks often (not ticks, but you know, of the body)

Makes me wonder.. This state is very proactive about Lyme, I got mine at Quincy Bog in NH, wearing pants, knee high socks, sweater, protected, got me just above the knee highs, got the classic rash, never saw the tick on me, but then when I was at my aunt and uncles house for the summer I couldn’t move my body, everything was horrific pain, I had the classic rash and they called all the doctors into the clinic to admire it, tested me for meningitis, gave me a spinal tap, all that, but when I got it was when i was a teen (13 or 14), so I wonder what is wrong, genetics (head meds never helped these past couple years, i never took any then but tried everything for about 2-3 years here)

My nickname is ST (Short Term (memory)). I remember nothing since then, that’s when it started and degraded.

I was lucky to get the rash and know instantly what had happened, thanks to my grandmother, but I have never been the same since. And I feel like whatever it is, a mental disease or neurological problems, it gets worse as I age. I am not the same person.

I know many people who have had it for years and not known. Doctors would say nothing, not see the signs, i had a client who quit the red sox because his kid was always sick, in and out of hospitals, her mother wrote a book about it.

Here’s a list a friend of mine sent, when I was proactive and researching, when I had a few stints of memory;

No problem. I’ve suffered for a long time with all this shit and its not fun.

Okay, so.. This is a check list of current symptoms. You’re supposed to rate each symptom’s current severity as none/mild/moderate/severe… Then, with that same symptom, you rate the current frequency of it as never/occasional/often/constant.. Its a pain in the ass. But, I’ll just list all the symptoms.

1. Persistent swollen glands

2. Sore throat/ fevers

3. Sore soles, especially in the AM

4. Joint pains (fingers, toes - ankles, wrists - knees, elbows - hips, shoulders)

5. Joint swelling (fingers, toes - ankles, wrists - knees, elbows - hips, shoulders)

6. Unexplained back pain

7. Stiffness of the joints or back

8. Muscle pains or cramps

9. Obvious muscle weakness

10. Twitching of the face or other muscles

11. Confusion or difficulty thinking

12. Difficulty with concentration, reading, problem absorbing information

13. Word search, name block

14. Forgetfulness, poor short-term memory, poor attention

15. Disorientation, getting lost, going to wrong places

16. Speech-errors, wrong word, misspeaking

17. Mood swings, irritability, depression

18. Anxiety (hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, bipolar)

19. Tremor, seizures

20. Headache

21. Light sensitivity, sound sensitivity

22. Vision: double, blurry, floaters

23. Ear pain

24. Hearing: buzzing, ringing, decreased hearing

25. Increased motion sickness, vertigo, spinning

26. Off balance, “tippy” feeling

27. Lightheadedness, wooziness, unavoidable need to sit or lie down

28. Tingling, numbness, burning or stabbing sensations, shooting pains, skin hypersensitivity

29. Facial paralysis- Bell’s Paulsy

30. Dental pain

31. Neck creaks and cracks, stiffness, neck pain

32. Fatigue, tired, poor stamina

33. Insomnia, fractionated sleep, early awakening

34. Excessive night time sleep

35. Napping during the day

36. Unexplained weight gain

37. Unexplained weight loss

38. Unexplained hair loss

39. Pain in genital area

40. Unexplained menstrual irregularity

41. Unexplained milk production

42. Breast pain

43. Irritable bladder or bladder dysfunction

44. Erectile dysfunction

45. Loss of libido

46. Queasy stomach or nausea

47. Heartburn, stomach pain

48. Constipation, diarrhea

49. Low abdominal pain, cramps

50. Heart murmur or valve prolapse

51. Heart palpitations or skips

52. “Heart block” on EKG, Chest wall pain or ribs sore

53. Head congestion

54. Breathlessness, “air hunger”, unexplained chronic cough

55. Night sweats

56. Exaggerated symptoms or worse hangover from alcohol

57. Symptom flares every 4 weeks

58. Degree of disability

And here’s an interesting documentary about it as well.

http://youtu.be/2JgR_Jfbhv8
  • Sarah Cookiepuss Blackburn I’ve seen this documentary and it made me furious. the fact that doctors are refusing to admit that long term lyme disease is a real problem makes me sick. Its even worse that the doctors refuse to give them the only medication that seems to work. UGH.
  • May Machin The medication most times made me so ill i’d throw up, so I always wondered if it even helped at all.
  • Fryday Child My mother got Lyme disease about five years ago. Some doctors claim Lyme disease doesn’t even exist.. She is a 59 year old waitress and is on her feet for six straight hours 4-6 nights a week. I feel terrible that she has to be in pain like that while the doctors argue over who is right instead of finding better treatment or a cure.
  • May Machin i’m so sorry, and it only gets worse (for me anyhow)
  • May Machin Michelle Layton i’m sorry i lash out at you, Frances Jack thank you for helping me, Dahlia Layton be careful in the woods, Shannon Layton you as well. And to all my friends who’ve had it for years and been “undiagnosed”, I feel your pain, and I love you all.
  • Zzy Meloy A very dear friends of mine is currently suffering from this. He is a completely different person than the one I knew before. His health is persistently deteriorating. He has luckily found some physicians who believe him, but since hardly anyone is studying how to cute thus there isn’t much help for this.
  • Nicolette Reed Gracey This was very informative, thank you for sharing…and sorry this happened to you.
  • May Machin i am a different person and it’s chronic, it gets worse daily, you know, but i don’t know if it’s lyme or genetics. i wish i had the motivation to get out of bed and research it again. then again we can’t deny both sides of my family are a bit nutty
  • May Machin I’m sorry about your friend Zzy Meloy, i have many as well, and may probably don’t even know why they are sicka nd in pain. like i said i have 36 our of the 58 on the list and I excluded quite a few as they are seldom, now, or maybe unnoticed by me anymore as it has been so long. Britteny Rose has seen some ticks, well often, and i always do things every day but i blame it on anxiety.
  • Cannibalized Please share this! I know so many peeople undiagnosed, dismissed, hurting for years or life. I don’t know if my ‘issues’ are this or genetics, but care for your kids and yourself, it’s an epidemic.
  • Cannibalized btw i am may if you guys didnt know, FB is just a jerk.
  • Cannibalized you fuckers.

    http://youtu.be/2JgR_Jfbhv8?t=38m59s
    www.youtube.com
    In the 1970s, a mysterious and deadly illness began infecting children in a smalSee More
  • Cannibalized Certainly watch the end everyone, you too ma my cousins, sister and their kids. you to Adridenne, Madison, And aunts and uncles, despite not speaking to me, be safe.
  • Cannibalized please share, to spread awareness.
  • Cannibalized so many head meds, but inly the past couple years. the oddest thing, aside from no memory anymore and migraines everyday (as i said before, i am a shell of what i used to be. Is it me, or lyme? Just a shitty personality?
  • Alex Blau Just watched it, very educational, never realized the magnitude of the disease, I like many others thought antibiotics for a couple of weeks and then gone, I was wrong.
  • Cannibalized Yeah I had 2 weeks of doxy but they told me up here in MA that it will never go away and can come back at any time. I do have heart conditions now (and meds for them that I don’t take) and obviously no memory and am not “right” in the head so it makes me wonder. like I said up there I have 36 of the 58 sympoms on that list, with me excluding ones that are just seldom.
  • Alex Blau Quite possibly you may be right.
  • Cannibalized I’m always right.
  • Alex Blau Not when it comes to Bruce Campbell.
  • Cannibalized OH YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, SIR!
    about an hour ago · Like

    Cannibalized I write lyme on my chart every time, I used to go to the hospital about twice a month, intentionally lived in quincy near hospital hill. of course all i heard from freecare (or poor care) from the asian doctors “DRINK MOAR WATA” and they’d shove me out the door. This was for years. All sorts of ailments. Institutionalized myself. Stoke, seizures, hives, no memory, facial and neck ticks and spasms. When I got it, they told the truth, now they (different doctors) shove me out of the office as quick as possible, even yell at me if the nurse doesn’t do all the paperwork, “WASTE MY TIME!” they think i’m a hypochondriac i think, but I had, and have on my personal page “what’s wrong now?” as a folder, just random things, I never really mentioned the pain, aside from to a roomate of mine, a good day is a headache, others are migranes, left side brain and left side occular, i joke that I need an eyepatch but it’s like a trend in photography lol. Also a smell of anything, food, whatever, would make me sick. The list has so many similarity that I couldn’t avoid the thought that it either caused or escalated my physical and mental illnesses. My heart, my mind, my memory, , my body. But they don’t listen anymore. It sucks.
I seldom update this because none of you fucks give a fuck, understandably.

So write me something or die an internet death!

I bet they’ll show anyone who pays the 69 bucks. No thanks, we’re starving ‘artists’ for a reason.

Dear Krystal,

Greetings from See.Me (formerly Artists Wanted)!

I have some exciting news. We have selected your work to be a part of a special international exhibition we are producing this summer titled “The Story of the Creative”.

This seven week exhibition will celebrate and display the works of pro level See.Me members from around the world, and your work has been selected to be shown!

You are invited to exhibit up to three images of your work within the newly installed digital exhibition room of our New York City gallery. The show opens on Thursday, July 25h and will run through the Tuesday September 10th.

To accept this invitation and have your work in this special exhibition, click below.
Accept your Invite by Logging into Your Account »

If you are unable to attend the exhibition, we will mail you an archival quality print showing your work in the show alongside an official letter of recognition for being a part of this special showing.

In order to prep your images for the show, we need your response as soon as possible. We are hoping to get all the artists confirmed by Midnight Tonight, but if you need more time the final deadline is this Tuesday , July 2nd.

The Story of the Creative Exhibition FAQ can be found at http://support.see.me/forums/20816735-Questions-Answers

Please feel free to email me directly if you have any questions!

Thanks! We are excited to exhibit your work!

Emily K.
Community Director
See | Me : Questions + Answers
support.see.me
1Like · ·
  • 2 people like this.
  • Cannibalized Auto response:

    Hi there,

    Thanks for your note!

    The response to this exhibition invitation has been incredible; your enthusiasm is much appreciated!

    In an effort to address your inquiry more promptly, I’ve provided answers to frequently asked questions below. If you’re not able to find the information you need, feel free to email hello@see.me, where the See.Me community team will do their best to assist you. (Notably, due to the unexpected popularity of some of our current projects, our small but dedicated team has a big backlog of emails to answer. We will make sure you get the help you need, but please keep in mind that it may be 5-7 business days before you receive a response.)

    Remember, in order to have your work exhibited, you must register at the link below by this Friday, June 28th:

    https://www.see.me/pages/panel/login#r/https://www.see.me/pages/panel#dashboard/sotc
    Please note: in order to prep your images for the show, we need your response as soon as possible. We are hoping to get all the artists confirmed by Midnight Tonight, but if you need more time we will extend the final deadline for you to Tuesday, July 2nd.

    While this is our first large-scale member show, we hope to continue producing shows like this on a regular basis throughout the year to showcase select members of our community in a live exhibition setting.

    Here’s your invite to the show:

    http://bit.ly/12tl7bu

    We sincerely appreciate your interest in See.Me and The Story of the Creative exhibition. We hope to celebrate your work on July 25th at See // Exhibition Space!

    All the best,

    Emily K.

    Community Director

    __

    Answers to Questions:

    When and where will the Story of the Creative exhibition be held?

    The exhibition will be hosted in New York City at:

    See | Exhibition Space

    July 25, 2013 

    7p through 11p

    It will be on view through September 10, 2013.

    You can view the show invite here: http://bit.ly/12tl7bu

    How many artists are being exhibited?

    We are working to build opportunities to show as many of our members as possible in shows like our monthly party at the Eventi hotel in Manhattan, our annual exhibitions in Times Square and Miami, and regular events at our exhibition space in New York City.

    While “The Story of the Creative” will feature a small fraction of our members (less than one percent), we hope to continue to feature more members in other opportunities throughout the year, both in person at these shows and through our website, newsletter and social channels.

    This invite isn’t being extended to everyone. We are excited to have you participate!

    What do I have to do to be included?

    Click this link to confirm your inclusion and to tell us how you want your name displayed in the show and your location.

    https://www.see.me/pages/panel/login#r/https://www.see.me/pages/panel#dashboard/sotc

    If your membership level is currently Pro, your inclusion in the Story of the Creative digital projection series is all set! This is one of the perks of Pro membership. You simply need to accept your invitation by logging in to your See.Me account via the link sent to you in the email invitation.

    If your membership level is currently Basic, you will need to upgrade to annual Pro membership ($69) by June 28, 2013. You will need to do this by logging in to your account via the link sent to you in the email invitation.

    The event is presented to honor the creativity of our Pro members. All types of art will be shown!

    Why will only Pro members be included?

    While we’d love to show work by all of our members, there is a limit to the amount of work we are logistically able to exhibit. The small dues that Pro members pay help to keep the entire See.Me community operating and advertising free. Producing shows like this costs tens of thousands of dollars and it is our Pro members who make it possible.

    If you are already a Pro member, thank you for making this show possible!

    How will upgrading to Pro membership benefit me?

    As a Pro See.Me member, you will not only be included in the Story of the Creative, but you’ll also be granted free access to a year’s worth of See.Me-produced competitions, including eligibility for awards, grants, and future exhibitions. Pro members are also the first to be considered for special features on our homepage and through our social media channels.

    As we continue to add features to our system, Pro members will be the first to have access to them, and some new features will be exclusively for Pro members, including a new deep statistics system we are currently testing.

    Can I select the images I’d like to have exhibited?

    Our curators will select images for display directly from your See.Me profile. We will select work that best fits with the flow of the show as a whole. If you have additional work you’d like to be shown that isn’t yet on your profile, we suggest uploading any additional images that you’d like to have considered, as soon as possible. Final selections of images will start next Monday.

    Do I need to send you physical prints or high resolution files?

    No, we don’t need physical prints. The Story of the Creative exhibition will feature work on museum quality monitors and a large wall projection and will not require physical works. We will source your chosen images straight from your See.Me profile. If we need a higher resolution image from you, we will reach out to you to request it.

    What if I cannot attend?
    If you are unable to attend the exhibition, we will send you an archival quality print of your image in the show, alongside an official letter of recognition for being a part of this special showing.

    Will See.Me own my images if they are exhibited?
    You retain all ownership rights to your images. By accepting the invitation, you are allowing See.Me to display your images with your name and location in the described exhibition. See.Me does not own your images, nor does submitting to See.Me affect previously standing copyrights on your work. We will never sell your work to a 3rd party.

    Although if someone wants to buy a piece from you, we will do our best to put you directly in touch with the buyer!
    __

    I hope that helps make everything more clear!

    To have your work included in the exhibition click here:

    https://www.see.me/pages/panel/login#r/https://www.see.me/pages/panel#dashboard/sotc

    Thanks again!

    -Emily K.

    Director of Community
  • Alex Blau Is this a good thing?
  • Cannibalized http://krystallayton.see.me/atts2012
    krystallayton.see.me
    Click “Collect Me” to help me win $10,000 and a show in the most immense exhibition of art in New York City : Art Takes Times Square.
  • Cannibalized btw i wrote for a response “You know, we’re called starving artists for a reason, 69 bucks can feed me for over a month”
  • Alex Blau Sounds like it’s worth a shot…..
  • Alex Blau O.K. sounds like a plan, fuck everything! Hah!
  • Cannibalized My money tree died. Oh wait, I never had one, I’m saving for a fucking car, not a digital bullshit scam. Although if they did send an archival print, that would be cool. But it’s probably a joke, like a 4x6 haha
  • Alex Blau I am a dimwit, I thought they were going to give you $69.00 for submitting your pictures. oh well.
  • Cannibalized Anyhow, feel free to like my shit on the one with the photo on the lowest in this thread.
  • Cannibalized actually these are cool https://exposure2013.see.me/
    exposure2013.see.me
    Thank you to all the talented photographers who participated in our 4th annual ESee More

Eastcoastwrapper in East Bridgewater, Massachusetts  and Matt with me, Cannibalized all Wrapped today (i didn’t… I lied….) and made a colab piece. So many healing stones! Hit this up, or etsy, or message them :) O.B.O

Colab 420 (name of this colab piece?)

ONE OF A KIND, many healing stones, see below.
WIRE WRAPPERS
Any custom requests send to my email below.

Photos are in the process, you can see the final, but I wanted to show the process.


All stones listed below for their properties
Collaborative piece made with;

FACEBOOK.COM/EASTCOASTWRAPPER.COM
fACEBOOK.COM/mattbearce


I PUT A PRICE BUT MESSAGE ME FOR OBO and we can discuss.
mario.dumay [!at] gmail.com




green kyanite-
key words; inner bridges, psychic ability, connecting with nature, past life recall, telepathy, empathy
element; storm
chakra; all, especially third eye (6th)

green tourmaline-
key words; healing, strength, vitality, wholeness,
element; water
chakra; heart (4th)

white opal-
key words; purification
element;earth & water
chakra; crown (7th)

emerald-
key words; Love, compassion, healing, and abundance
element; water
chakra; heart (4th)

diopside-
key words; connecting with the Earth, opening of the heart, healing, balance, subtle perception
element; earth
chakra; heart (4th), root (1st), earthstar (below the feet)

dioptase-
key words; forgiveness, compassion, release of karmic patterns, prosperity
element; water
chakra; heart (4th)

labradorite-
key words; magic, protection,
element; wind
chakra; all

family?

i met these people the other day in NH, my friend was looking for a place for a venue. we know eachothers issues and just know that we know and try to make eachother smile and laugh. because it’s all shit. we went to school together in 2007 but never spoke until some random night, and he’s like 45-60 minutes away but i will despite agoraphobia go anywhere with him to help him out and make sure he’s not alone. he doesnt talk about his problems yanno, but i know them. so we help eachother. point being at this place there was this little girl on a farm playing on swings. i was sitting the car for almost an hour and i was like i wanna play on swings. so i asked her and she said she cant talk to strangers. and i pointed to her dad and said thats my friend there talking to your dad, but if you don’t feel safe i’ll go away. you said the right thing, you’re such a smart girl. so then her mom came out, i dont know these people, and she asked her mom, and her mom was drinking my favorite beer, ended up giving me 3 through the couple hours. and i pushed the girl on the swing, and i swung, and i fell in love with that kid. her 2 brothers came out and i had to be nice to them too, one likes stones so i showed him that you can do more than collect stones but you can make art with them or jewelry or rings and all you need is wire or whatever you want to use.

a boy i met on newbury st (MARIO WANA) made this for me while i was selling and giving prints, he’s my friend now. then the other boy liked electricty and has this great game where you can hook up all lengths of magnets and connect them until it makes energy. his dad sat down and helped us. the mom and i talked for a couple hours and i felt like i had a family, even though i didnt know these people. they were so kind, their kids loved me, the parents loved me, and after i was so sad because i don’t have family. i never cared before but if i did like that, it was beautiful.

Ask me or tell me something you fucking twats.

Best haiku yet!

Nibble on my feet
And I will write you love songs
In fives and sevens



image
 
On this date 10 years ago (BTW I didn’t get “better”, but am working on it)*I had practice this morning in the school gym. We got our uniforms, I’m #6, and they wouldn’t let me have a large skirt (i’m not large, big hips) because you must wear them up on your waist by your navel. obnoxious. LAXWhile doing my homework (which was to finish reading Ego Psychology by Eda Goldstein) I came across a paragraph titled The M Case. This Ms. M has no close friends, gets little pleasure from her solitary activities, and at times thinks others can read her mind and often attributes her own thoughts to others. She rarely asks people for reassurance, and often wonders if people are tape recording her, etcetc… Similarities.. In ninth grade I had this paranoid obsession or something that people could read my mind. I’d always work on blocking my thoughts by listening to redundant noises, such as footsteps or breathing, and I’d only concentrate on that so I wouldn’t think or have thoughts that anyone could hear/read. It got to the point where it was like forced apathy, and I stopped talking to people altogether. I told ariel about it before, because when I met him I was just beginning to talk again and I wanted him to know why I wasn’t so great at communicating. He told me that I was stupid for doing that. He’s the only person I’d ever told about it. (until now) Also, all through my childhood I thought people were video recording me. I would never shower or go to sleep without looking throughout my room for a camera, and I’d look in my closet before going to sleep because I thought someone would be in there to watch me while I slept. I have no idea where these paranoias came from, I had a great childhood, and even though my parents seem to be insane at times (my sister too) they never really acted like it when I was younger. I asked my Psych teacher about the thought-blocking and he didn’t seem to think it was anything bad. Just, in the M. Case the woman is thirty so it definatly shows that there is some kind of problem. I guess it’s more acceptable when a child or teenager does it.I seem to have worked through all of my paranoias, angst, and depression on my own. I don’t know how, maybe it was just a chemical imbalence that faded away, but I know of a few people who are younger than me who have experience the same social angst and depression, self mutilation, insomnia, and everything else.. so I’m starting to think it might just have something to do with age and horomones. Hopefully everyone will grow out of it. And hopefully people won’t just sugar coat it with some paxil or whatnot, because I don’t believe that helps anything. And someone I know told me that she also made an imaginary boyfriend. That makes me feel better about Jeremy. (Who is also me, a bit narcissistic, eh?)* — with Cannibalized in Florida.

On this date 10 years ago (BTW I didn’t get “better”, but am working on it)

*I had practice this morning in the school gym. We got our uniforms, I’m #6, and they wouldn’t let me have a large skirt (i’m not large, big hips) because you must wear them up on your waist by your navel. obnoxious. LAX

While doing my homework (which was to finish reading Ego Psychology by Eda Goldstein) I came across a paragraph titled The M Case. This Ms. M has no close friends, gets little pleasure from her solitary activities, and at times thinks others can read her mind and often attributes her own thoughts to others. She rarely asks people for reassurance, and often wonders if people are tape recording her, etcetc… Similarities..

In ninth grade I had this paranoid obsession or something that people could read my mind. I’d always work on blocking my thoughts by listening to redundant noises, such as footsteps or breathing, and I’d only concentrate on that so I wouldn’t think or have thoughts that anyone could hear/read. It got to the point where it was like forced apathy, and I stopped talking to people altogether. I told ariel about it before, because when I met him I was just beginning to talk again and I wanted him to know why I wasn’t so great at communicating. He told me that I was stupid for doing that. He’s the only person I’d ever told about it. (until now)

Also, all through my childhood I thought people were video recording me. I would never shower or go to sleep without looking throughout my room for a camera, and I’d look in my closet before going to sleep because I thought someone would be in there to watch me while I slept.

I have no idea where these paranoias came from, I had a great childhood, and even though my parents seem to be insane at times (my sister too) they never really acted like it when I was younger.

I asked my Psych teacher about the thought-blocking and he didn’t seem to think it was anything bad. Just, in the M. Case the woman is thirty so it definatly shows that there is some kind of problem. I guess it’s more acceptable when a child or teenager does it.

I seem to have worked through all of my paranoias, angst, and depression on my own. I don’t know how, maybe it was just a chemical imbalence that faded away, but I know of a few people who are younger than me who have experience the same social angst and depression, self mutilation, insomnia, and everything else.. so I’m starting to think it might just have something to do with age and horomones. Hopefully everyone will grow out of it. And hopefully people won’t just sugar coat it with some paxil or whatnot, because I don’t believe that helps anything.

And someone I know told me that she also made an imaginary boyfriend. That makes me feel better about Jeremy. (Who is also me, a bit narcissistic, eh?)* — with Cannibalized in Florida.

I have 300 followers. Why? Because you know me, like my photography, my rants, my “my butt is better than your butt” or snapshots and reposts?

I have 300 followers. Why? Because you know me, like my photography, my rants, my “my butt is better than your butt” or snapshots and reposts?

The hermit in one of her favorite places to sleep in NH. ©cannibalized

Biggest Fan of Cannibalized?facebook.com/cannibalized

Biggest Fan of Cannibalized?

facebook.com/cannibalized

NIONEJIOERJOWIROIFJ

"Do you turn to lower companions or an inferior environment when drinking?"

Interesting question. Is this why I am so tolerant of everyone elses problems, or am I just understanding and tolerant in general, with no relation to my history of drinking? Currently I am improving, as of the past several weeks, without me caring or even trying to stop. I’m just bored of it, and I only drink sparingly now as to not get too sick from cold turkey. I have been noticing I have less tolerance for people’s bullshit now, not that I am ever very tolerant of bullshit, but in regards to other people I know with addictions, I am. There are no excuses for anyone to treat me like garbage, whether they have an addiction or not. Being an addict myself may make me make excuses for people in my life, and tolerate them more than I should. But, personally, I can only accept an addict as they are if the addict is willing to admit to their problems and their faults and their mistakes (as I do/have). If there is denial and aggression without provocation towards me (note: without apologies!), and I still make excuses for them because they also have some sort of crutch, of sorts, I’m just lying to myself about more things than can possibly be expressed; because I feel as if I can relate or sympathize or help them, I suppose. My lack of drinking has led to much insomnia (as per usual), and I have also stopped my medication suddenly, so I don’t know if this even makes sense. I just keep being stupid, forgiving and forgiving and forgiving. The nice addict doesn’t last forever, in this scenario. My tolerance for forgiving and my own personal denial of truth must appear as weakness. I do tolerate everyone’s choices in life and I don’t judge anyone for them, but I can’t tolerate my own idiocy if their choices result in perpetual cruelty and drama towards me and nothing but their denial and lack of compassion during and after the fact. We all make mistakes, we all have our problems, and we all deal with them differently. I just don’t know why I constantly sympathize with people or situations that always inevitably make me feel like shit. I’ve come to realize it, and I like to think I am getting over it.

"The realization of ignorance is the first act of knowing."